Misbehavin'
by lexieconextreme
Summary: Roy and Maes are out for their own little Christmas party and Maes resists the urge to kill his best friend. Crack!fic


**A/N: HIIIII! I don't really have anything to say right now, so you lot can just get straight to the story...**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters within.**

Maes Hughes sat in a bar, watching his friend in amusement as he became ever drunker, ever more flirtatious with anyone that wasn't his sister. Madame Christmas had been so _kind_ as to let Maes and Roy have their own little Christmas party at her bar. Maes wasn't really sure that was such a good idea. He hadn't really been out much with Roy since marrying Gracia, so there was one crucial, very important thing he'd forgotten.

Roy Mustang could take his liquor.

But even he had limits, and Roy had quickly surpassed them. _So this is what he calls Christmas, huh?_ MAes shook his head as Roy dragged two very pretty girls toward him. One seemed to be hanging off his arm, while the other lurched for Maes's. She hiccupped, then giggled at him.

"And this is..."

Roy frowned for a moment, staring at the girl who'd taken a bit of an interest in Maes's watch. "Ummm, I believe her name is...Rosaline?"

The girl looked up, giggling in a way that didn't exactly scream "sober". Roy patted the arm wrapped around his own, the arm belonging to a very attractive woman with an expression and countenance that told everyone in the room she knew it. "And this is Martha."

Maes smiled at the lady, then went back to fending off the girl who wanted his watch. "Alright. Introductions have been made. Why is Rosalina here?"

Roy slumped over, leaning on his friend's shoulder. "For you, of course."

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the exact moment Maes figured out just how drunk his friend was. He observed his friend with amusement, sipping his drink. "You're kidding, right Roy? Even in your drunken state, you must realize I would _never_ cheat on Gracia."

Rosaline frowned. "Who's Gracia?"

"My wife."

"What?!" Rosalin seemed aghast by this idea. "You've got a wife, and you've just been leading me on like this?" She let loose a sob, and Maes stared at her as if she were insane.

"Leading you on? Lady, I've got a wife and kid I'm utterly devoted to. I would NEVER cheat on my beautiful Gracia." The stern look faded from his eyes, replaced with a slightly maniacal light. "Do you want to see pictures of my beautiful wife Gracia and my adorable daughter Elicia?"

Not even giving the poor woman a chance to respond, or even make a decision (Which in her state, might have taken several minutes), Maes had pulled his picture wallet out of his pocket and shoved it in her face. "Do you see?! That's Gracia back when she was still pregnant with Elicia! And this is Elicia right after she was born! And here's Elicia on her bicycle, which she uses to follow me everywhere like my very own escort of cuteness!"

Rosaline backed away slowly, eyes wide. She turned and ran, but Maes just turned to the next available person. Which happened to be Roy's date. Roy was a little busy drooling on the bar. Martha stared at Maes in disinterest for a single moment before standing and walking away.

Chuckling, Maes folded up his photos and put them carefully back in his pocket. He put money on the counter, waved a goodbye to Madame Christmas, slung Roy's arm around his neck and dragged him outside into the cold winter air. Roy groaned, and Maes readjusted his hold, dragging the Flame Alchemist down the street to the car they'd parked almost two blocks away. Maes was really beginning to regret that decision.

Opening the door, Maes unceremoniously stuffed his friend inside the vehicle, walked around to the other side, got in and started the engine. Roy was leaning against the window, half in and half out of consciousness. Maes almost smiled thinking about the amount of pain Roy was going to be in tomorrow. Serves him, trying to make him cheat on Gracia like that.

Maes drove slowly, watching for other drivers and black ice. The former he didn't have to worry about. Twas the night of Christmas Eve; everybody was at home and tucked up in their beds. The latter was much more concerning. It could get really cold in Central during the winter, certainly cold enough for the menacing invisible ice to cling to the ground. Maes finally made to Roy's house without dying, and he lifted Roy out of the passenger's seat and walked carefully up the steps and inside the house.

Maes dropped his friend on the couch, grinning as he watched the man pull his limbs close to his body and turn over, trying to get warm and comfy. Maes decided to take pity on his friend and dropped a warm, heavy blanket on top of him.

The clock in the kitchen chimed, and Maes looked up to see what time it was. Midnight. Maes chuckled. "Merry Christmas, Roy."

 _Are you behavin'?_

' _Cause of I'm savin'_

 _All my lo-o-ove for you_

 _And I'm havin' a good time_

 _But I'd rather be with you_

 _Pentatonix_

 **A/N: I've never really written a big thing for Maes before. Tell me if I did okay?!**

 **And yes, I know this song really has nothing to do with Christmas. Like, nothing whatsoever. But I was thinkin' about stuff, and this is what my mind went to. Plus it's like 1:30 in the morning.**

 **I hope you guys liked!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **BYE ;3**


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